Today,

Friday, 20 November 2009

  • Something changed.

    At one point in my life, I couldn't recognize my own mortality.  I was 15 and life was too long.  But then something changed.  I changed.  At 16 I learned that I wasn't invincible.  I learned that if my friends could die, then so could I.  So I became very reserved.  I was afraid to try new things.  I was afraid to be 16 and live. 

    My mom turned 42 in September.  She had me when she was really young.  She was on her own.  But she finished high school, and has degrees in accounting and social work. She runs her own business and her laugh is just as contagious as it was when she was 15. (Or so I'm told.) She bakes the best cookies and tried acid once.  She was recently ordained as a minister.  She taught herself guitar and she just enrolled in photography class.  She dyed her hair purple and then shaved it all off.  She worked as a stripper and flipped burgers.  She went to the airport and asked for a ticket on the first available flight and ended up in Kansas.  She kissed a stranger because he looked sad, and married him 6 months later.  She jumped out of a plane and she broke her ex-boyfriend's arm in a bar fight.  She's extraordinary.  My mom was never afraid to live.  My mom was perfect.

    But all of a sudden, she was sick.

    "Stop crying.  I'm a fighter, and I never lose."  She always knows the right thing to say, too.  I tell you, the woman is fearless.
    She's was right.  She didn't lose.  But I learned a lesson.
    Life is short, so live it while you can.

    Today we're going to get tattoos.  Mom's idea.

Monday, 16 November 2009

  • What is right?

    Well, I know you guys love to hear about the nonsense that goes on in my philosophy classes, so here's today's question:
    Does God command things because they are right, or are things right because God commands them?

    That's a bit of a tough question.  Suggesting that God commands things because they are right implies that God is not all-powerful as Christianity deems Him to be. If God does things because they are right, then He is not the ultimate deciding factor in what is right or wrong.  By this standpoint, saying that God is imperfect, Christians aren't always able to argue a decent point.

    Another angle is that the suggestion in this question is that there is, in fact, a God.  To answer this question is unfair because it acknowledges the existence of a god.

    On the other side, God could have had different views of what was right and could have easily said, "Thou shalt kill thy mother and thy father while coveting thy neighbor's wife and stealing things that say 'god damnit' on them on Sundays."

    So.  Which is it?


    Does God command things because they're right,
    or are things right because God commands them?

Thursday, 12 November 2009

  • I consider myself to be a nice person.

    BUT SOME PEOPLE JUST PISS ME OFF.
    The other day, I posted about a family who disapproved of my interracial relationship.  Following that post, a random guy that I had never even seen on Xanga sent me a message.  I responded, thinking that he was genuinely curious about my relationship.  Here are the messages we exchanged, which are unedited.  Simply copy and pasted.  His messages are in bold, mine are italicized:

    i don't know if you have read my entries or not but i just got out of prison and i meet alot of fucked up people and i have a few questios in regards to your relationship. do you mind?

    Ask away.

    do you live together with the guy you talk about in yr blog?

    No, but we are engaged. Why?

    how long have you known this guy? is he good to you?

    Why?

    i am far from a racist my son is bi-racial but me being a guy i know how men are and having spent a few years in prison i got to see 1st hand how black men are. don't get me wrong, there are some messed up white guys also but the black guys wre fuckin each other. i even had home boys i knew from the street that didn't have much time and they were fckin those nasty ass sissy's down there.a black man will fuck a hole in thr ground if he thinks he can get a nut. they are a different breed of human. even my girl , a blak woman has shared some her experiences with me about her relationships with black men and she says the same thing and she says that's why she is with me because i treat her good. having said that, there are some good black men and i give them props when deserved. i just want you to be aware because i know what heart ache feels like and i wish it on one. if you have a good man hold on to him because good black men are far and few between. THAT'S WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You make me sick.

    sorry i didn't say that to get that reaction. i'm not the bad guy i'm sorry you took it the wrong way. people that do the things i'm warning you about should be the ones who make you sick. so good luck. i'm sorry for tryin to hip you to how things are in the ral world.

    The following was not written in our messages, because I was too shocked to respond.  But now I'm ready.
    So, excuse me sir, but let me tell you about the r-e-a-l world.  There is one thing you should remember: your son is going to grow up one day to become a man.
    A man who is half black.  I can only pray that he never encounters someone like you.

    That is all.
    Currently
    Love, Save the Empty
    By Erin McCarley
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Sunday, 08 November 2009

Saturday, 07 November 2009

  • Adam.

    I can break a heart just as well as I can break a promise.
    I am capable, but I am not vindictive.

    I am afraid of being abandoned.
    I assume the worst about people.
    The same is true of situations.
    I constantly tap my left leg.  Nervous tick.
    Now for my biggest flaw:
    I am human.

    I am an animal controlled by emotion.
    (We do not dictate what we do when it comes to matters of the heart.)

    I am not one to use my head.
    That is the reason, old friend.

    That is why I still pray for you.
    Currently
    The Trial
    By Franz Kafka
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